Issue Number 22

February 2010

The Continuing Trials and Tribulations of Alan England

by Alan England

New Future Ahead.

In 1973 Edward Heath decided that I was no longer required to defend the furthest outposts of the Empire so on 30 November 1973 I became a "Mister” and entered the world of "civvy" street, from which I had been isolated since the age of fifteen. However, a few years later Edward Heath realised he had made a mistake in creating too many "Misters” and the RAF had a shortfall of "steely eyed aircrew".

The question is what to do in "civvy street" having been brain washed from a tender age and protected from the "REAL WORLD"?After careful thought I decided to donate my talents to the NAAFI as a District Manager. However, before this could happen I had to undergo 18 months of training which had great similarities to service training in that you had to be spend time carrying out the tasks of all the staff you would supervise.

In January 1974 I spent a week at RAF St.Mawgan serving behind the "Squaddie’s " bar. This was then followed by various courses at the NAAFI training centre Claygate, Surrey. The most important thing that you learnt was the book keeping, which I have to admit was not my strongest point. At the end of the day when you closed the books they had to balance exactly. I must admit to adding or subtracting the odd penny!

My hands on courses included being a canteen manager at RAF. Insworth running the NAAFI. club. This was followed by running the NAAFI shop at RAF Hereford for a few weeks.

I also had to carry out audits on establishments.

A major highlight was my having to spend a day on board a R.N frigate in the English Channel carrying out a "RAS" [replenishment at sea]. One was aware how much the Royal Navy appreciated the NAAFI for the sole NAAFI manager also had a war- time role to serve as stretcher-bearer. Yet although the manager was subjected to military discipline and conditions he did not enjoy the service perks of long leave and had lower pay!My final training was to run a small District of four establishments living in pre-fab quarters on an Army base in Brecon in the middle of winter!

I also had to serve under canvas setting up a canteen to serve the Army. I can still remember to this day advising a "Squaddie" at a camp NOT to have the "bacon butty" as we were at the end of the bacon. But No the "Squaddie" wanted his "bacon butty" then complained about the lack of bacon. You could never win in the NAAFI.! We always promoted our own products, as they had a larger profit margin. Some of these products were very poor, like the instant coffee. Yet others like tea bags, South African sherry and whisky were very good.

So one day I did a whisky tasting with NAAFI whisky [which is actually Queen Anne's] and a bottle of NAAFI whisky decanted into a Bells whisky bottle. Five persons said while the NAAFI whisky was good, the Bells was better. Only one person said they were both the same. I rest my case for the power of marketing!

Eventually the big day arrived in 1975 and I was given my own District, which consisted of 8 clubs and 5 shops including RAF Andover and RAF. Odiham. However, within three years in the course of making my establishments cost effective I had closed three clubs!

As a District Manager one enjoyed the rank of Major/Squadron Leader and for a few months I stayed in the officer’s mess at Worthydown and it was not unusual to see an army officer hitch his horse outside the mess!

I played hockey and sailed for the Army at Worthy Down, which was my largest establishment. My sailing took place at Netley, which had the distinction of being the longest hospital in the Army, with its own cemetery and jetty. During World War 1 the troops were off loaded from the hospital ships into the hospital before being wheeled out and buried. The imposing hospital building is now a museum and training centre for the Hampshire police.

Most of my sailing was in dinghies and one weekend I had the privilege of taking two members of BLESMA sailing who had "one leg between the two of them and they insisted on doing a capsize drill! It made you feel very humble.Another weekend I had the use of a 26-foot Folkboat, which had belonged to the Army in Malta. Unfortunately the decked had not been caulked properly. The weekend in June that I took it down from Gosport to Lymington was the weekend that we had a ferocious gale, with many boats foundering. By the time I was off Cowes we had water leaking through the deck , two of the crew seasick and the other operating the bilge pump non-stop. Eventually, when we reached the mouth of the entrance to Lymington, the water was over the floorboards and I was so concerned that the boat would founder I made everybody undo their safety harnesses. The enjoyment of the voyage was enhanced by everything in the yacht being soaked! On reflection I realised I should have turned back to Gosport!

A major event in my life was buying my own house in Romsey, which enhanced my social life considerably. The down side to being a District Manager was that you were posted world wide; whilst I had given strong hints that I would like to be posted to Germany. The NAAFI was just like the RAF. and ignored your requests, so I was posted to RAF. Cottesmore after two years.

Being "single" this would have entailed the full expense of selling my house and buying an other . I advised the NAAFI that I was courting and so I had a year’s extension.

However, I was advised that I had to go to Cottesmore so I decided that as I was enjoying a settled and very full social life decided to leave the NAAFI.

During my service I had learnt how dedicated many of the staff were, something I did not appreciate when I was the other side of the counter. It was nothing unusual for some of my female managers not to take leave as they had become married to the NAAFI.

Unfortunately the following years employment in civvy street was not so enjoyable! But then that is another story.