Issue Number 21

November 2009

Not so much Guiltless as Gutless

by Mike Stanley.

Reading of how some of the entry got put on Janks for the slightest, and sometimes most insignificant of reasons, reinforces my belief that I must have been one of the luckiest/fortunate/ spawniest members of our entry. Whilst at Halton my kitbag was set on fire, I was caught in possession of a stolen cornet and I fell foul of Joe SWO when marching down to workshops under my own steam (Not swinging my arms shoulder high; I was in great coat order at the time so it was practically impossible!)

But I never did a day’s ‘Jankers’ through out my time at the’ Brat factory’!

Now I don’t want you to think that I was angelic or pure in thought mind or deed. I was just like the rest of us. I did what I had to do and skived when I could. I kept my head down and my nose, boots, brasses and bed space, clean. Like Willie Keays I did once bunk off a bull night to go to the Astra but unlike him I didn’t upset the C/A/A!

Our landing {Blk 3 Rms3/4?} had been confined to billet and given a bull night for the heinous crime of some one scrawling our entry number on the wall of one of the bogs. I think the miscreant had owned up to the crime but we still had to have the enormity of what had been done drilled into our psyche. {It must have worked, as I have never been tempted to do the same, and no it wasn’t me!} I can still recall the S/A/A of the block intoning the aphorism:

“ An entry spirit must be pretty small to write its number on a sh*t house wall”

I can’t remember what the main film at the Astra was that evening but I know I wanted to see it. I expect either Sophia Loren or Debbie Reynolds were in it, both were on my ' Must See' list [Sophia still is!]. Whilst polish was being applied to centre deck and bumpers were being sharpened I sidled out of the billet and hurried off to the Astra. Don’t think that I was skiving out of doing my room job [I think I was on Abs Deck and Stand Ups] I just intended doing it at my convenience [fitting really, given the nature of the room job] rather than at the RAF’s. It hadn’t been long since we had enlisted so I still retained some remnant of civvy type independent thought.

I arrived too late for the tanner crush so swanked it up in the 1/9d’s. Just after settling into my plush seat, and as the lights dimmed, some latecomers came in and sat in the row behind me. To my horror I heard the unmistakable accent of the Greek-Cypriot snag from our block. I can’t exactly remember his name, just his accent! {was it Costas Perria?} who then sat down in the seat directly behind me! I shrunk down in my seat to make myself as small a target as possible [difficult for a 6 footer]. Costas chatted to his mates, lit up a fag and made himself comfy, his knees thudding into the back of my seat as he did so. The first feature started. I sat there staring unseeing at the screen, petrified. Like a rabbit mesmerised by the headlights of an oncoming car I waited for recognition to dawn on Costas that he was sat behind a bull night evader. What a fool I must have been. As if any member of the high and mighty 74th [or was he 78th] would recognise any rook, especially from the back and in the dark!

The first feature was finishing, soon the lights would be full on for the interval and I would surely be spotted as an absentee from a bull night and an absconder from a confinement to block…. What to do? Just then some blokes in my row got up, ready to rush to the front of the ice cream queue. Quick as a flash I joined them and using these gannets as a cloak made my way to the centre aisle.

I had paid good money to see the main film so I could have found another seat, well away from Costas, and stayed and watched the rest of the program. Instead I slunk back to the billet and carried out my room job, scared sh**less by my near miss.

That was my one show of independent action; I fell at the first hurdle. Which may explain why I didn’t do any ‘Janks’ at Halton, it wasn’t just that I was spawney but also that I didn’t have the bottle to step out of